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The High Conflict Person and Their Crazy-Making Ways

In family law, we often see good people at their worst.  Sometimes, though, we see a level of conflict that is disproportionate to the situation and it may seem (if you’re in the relationship) like you are being beaten down at every turn.  The High Conflict Person can make a big fight over nothing and, worse still, they seem to enjoy it. In a recent case, Spouse A filed for divorce, told Spouse B to leave the house, and both parties hired attorneys.  We would expect Spouse A to be – if not happy, exactly – satisfied when Spouse B complied and became actively engaged in the divorce proceedings.  Not so in this case.  The more that Spouse B met Spouse A’s demands, the worse they became.  The bar was constantly moving and no one, not even Spouse A’s attorney, could stabilize the situation.  The case took almost a year to resolve, but only because Spouse A created drama, made up fights, and fueled the fire of conflict at every turn. I was going to write a blog post about how High Conflict People can derail your best efforts in settlement, and then I ran across this article by Bill Eddy, the go-to guy for high conflict situations.  Bill knows all about Spouse A – read his article here. What I particularly like about Bill’s advice is that he gives us a clear definition of the HCP: An Observable High Conflict Pattern High-conflict people (HCPs) have a pattern of high-conflict behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. This pattern usually happens over and over again in...

What is Collaborative Mediation?

Trends come and go, what was hot a week ago is now passé, and things evolve. More and more, I’m seeing a trend towards Collaborative Mediation and it’s client-driven.  In this post I will define Collaborative Mediation and provide some examples so you can determine if it’s right for you. The only constant is change, which is why I was not surprised to spot this mediation trend among my collaborative colleagues and clients.  The “law” of collaborative work is that it fundamentally requires two attorneys who agree not to litigate.  While the International Association of Collaborative Professionals has not changed their guideline, it seems to be morphing in real life. IACP defines Collaborative Mediation as: Collaborative Mediation – Collaborative mediation is a style of mediation where two or more people are encouraged to work toward resolution in a transparent and peaceful manner. The goal is to support the parties to unfold the issues and create fair agreements that will stand the test of time. Collaborative Mediation is an offshoot of Collaborative Practice in that it uses the “team” vernacular and litigation is off the table.  Some collaborative practice groups (Arizona Collaborative Colleagues included) began incorporating the role of mediator into their collaborative teams as a way to overcome impasse on distinct issues.  For example, the professionals and clients might be unable to resolve a division of business assets, so they would call in a mediator to help tease out a solution. Generally, the role of the mediator in a classic Collaborative Divorce is finite and limited to problem-solving on specific issues (versus global settlement) and the mediator is not...